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NOTE: This free extract is part of The Survey Method, and provided as an insight to the remaining 20 chapters you will unlock with a paid membership.
When you are first getting to know a woman you are attempting to become their friend. A person’s favorite topic of conversation is themselves. The easiest way to get a woman interested in being your friend and potential girlfriend is to talk her about her favourite subject. The list of questions that you will be asking the woman will be most effective when they are directed at talking about her. Women will reveal a lot about themselves just by answering a few thought out questions. Asking questions about a woman is the easiest way to know what she is like before you make your move.
When getting to know a woman, let her express herself thoroughly. She will be more inclined to be interested in you if she feels like she is having her complete say. When you are asking questions you are taking an interest in the woman .Being a good listener is so fundamental to any friendship and it is the easiest way to communicate without thinking. Being a good listener also lets the woman feel like she is important. Women will feel more connected to the man asking questions if he sits back and doesn’t interrupt the woman while she is explaining herself and her answer.
A good method of keeping a conversation going on for long periods of time by being a great listener is to use a conversational tool called the four second rule. The four second rule gives women the opportunity to run the gamut on everything she can think of talking about. To practice the four second rule, all you have to do is wait until the woman finishes talking, and count slowly to four in your head. She will either begin expressing more of herself or she will be silent. If she starts expressing herself more, wait until she finishes again and do another mental count of four seconds.
When she has finished talking and has been silent for a mental count of four seconds simply repeat the end of the last thing she said to you and wait for a response. In the framework of conversation it can be simply repeating what she said or changing the tone of your voice to make it sound like a question. Just sit back and let her reveal her real personality.
An example of the four second rule applied:
Her: “I really enjoyed the aquarium, I like looking at the turtles there.”
You: 1 2 3 4 “The turtles there?”
Her: “Yeah they look so funny, I like their shells.”
You: 1 2 3 4 “Their shells?”
Her: “Yeah I like how hard they are and how when they crawl out of the shell the shell
looks really funny”
You: 1 2 3 4 “The shell looks really funny?”
Conversations can go on for hours like this. She will feel good about herself and feel well heard. She will reveal more about her personality that she wouldn’t normally do if it were just a normal conversation. You can find out her real personality including drives, ambitions, dreams and motives that she wouldn’t normally feel comfortable in telling somebody she has just met. She will also be a lot more friendly and open and will also become more likely to answer more personal questions because of that feeling of connection.
Use the woman’s answers to guide you in how you talk to her. Take an interesting answer she has given you and elaborate on it. Everyone likes to think they are noteworthy in some way.
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