The following dating article is for men who want to overcome shyness with women. Overcoming Shyness With Women gives an outline of problems men have with the shyness of approaching women, shyness with conversation and meeting women in general. Overcoming Shyness With Women also gives an account of the authors efforts to overcome shyness.
For the shy man, approaching women is a difficult business. Some of the problems associated with men’s shyness include freezing around women and talking yourself out of an approach and regretting it later. Often shy men will just wait as the women moves on because they are too shy to make an approach.
So let me start out by saying I’ve learnt how to beat it. Here are some of the things I have learnt from the material I have read on the subject. Some of the ideas I got is a lot include
*Saying something, anything around women
*Approach lots of women without trying to pick up
*Approaching women with the ideology of getting rejected by every single one of them
*Know that most women will reject men after an approach so have that expectation
*Try meeting women in a safe environment around friends
This was good advice, but I still used to talk myself out of it. It was awkward at times, making eye contact and then not pursuing it with conversation and waiting for the woman to approach. I had to muster something to overcome this shyness.
My personal shyness with talking to women first became shattered using two words:
Complete Faith
What I would do is believe I was, and have, the mindset of somebody who will die when he appraoches. You probably will die when she says yes. Force yourself to approach women. From anybody else’s perspective it’s just walking up to somebody and having a conversation.
Tony Robbins talks about faith a lot, and this can be applied to dating. What you need to do is have absolute and total faith that it will work. It might not always work, but it will eventually if you approach enough women.
To the women I approached the opener probably seemed odd. But to me, the shy type, it was doing something that I would only do if I was out of my mind. Those feelings of complete faith I created in my mind were like walking into a lions den with a pride of hungry man-eaters and trying to kill them.
How did I Approach?
An example would be in a shopping mall where I saw a woman eating by herself, I would squeeze out "THE FOOD IS FANTASTIC!!!!" Then the conversation would be about justifying what I just said so it came across as logical, the whole time forcing myself to stand there and talk. It was very good, no other bugger has the balls to do it. I was talking to women. The funny thing is that I learned that the initial approach was the hard part. Talking to women is easy.
Complete faith is easy to maintain. When I got my self into the mindset of complete faith I would find myself needing something to force me to do it, so when I got the mindset i’d force myself to move my legs to start walking over to women. When you get into a completely faithful mindset you have to follow through, you can revert to shyness very quickly through self talk and procrastination and end up doing nothing.
The approaches were Casanova, and with every woman I tried this with I started to become more centred, more focused, until I could say something in the food court like what you will learn in the survey method to a woman eating by herself and have an amazing conversation with them.
So overcome your shyness by going to a place that nobody knows you and you won’t frequent again and go do something that Tony Robbins might describe as "a little nuts". If you’re so shy you can’t normally say anything to anybody for the sake of your shyness, you have to resort to being slightly religious in order to say anything at all.
I further progressed my goal of overcoming shyness by walking over to women who were standing and interrupt them and say "hi". It was the act of starting to walk that was the easiest part, and the most crucial. When I was near them and interrupted them, it didn’t make sense for me to leave. It also didn’t make sense to walk up to them then walk past them, even though I was compelled to do that during the initial approach.
I used the same conversation starter with every woman I wanted to meet. I would ask them their opinion on something and I would get a variety of answers to the same question. The questions I used are kind of insightful and gets women talking about their life.
I could meet women in succession, one after the other and it became natural and a habit. After a while I found that I could just create a question that required an opinion from my surroundings and the conversations made more sense. By doing that I could just start conversations with women at the drop of a hat
So, I developed a tool called The Survey Method, to be used for any man who wants to overcome their shyness with women. The Survey Method encompasses the most basic shyness dissolving techniques, with detailed information for continuing conversations and eventually getting the woman’s number. The Survey Method is perfect for guys who can’t even say hi to girls in chatrooms.
Jonathan Skywalker
